how to bake with a six year old

So I had my niece, a stubborn six-year-old girl with my dream hair, stay around my house for a couple of nights the other day, and I thought that after going shopping and taking her to the park and hulahooping and whatnot that she'd be a bit tired and I could relax. But oh no Amy, how naive can you be? Of course she had a lot of energy left over. And of course cupcake making was the remedy for that. Naturally.

So here's how to bake cupcakes with a six-year-old and not lose your mind, although the former statement is not guaranteed. 


You will need:
- Patience
- Perseverance
- Persistence

For the cupcakes:
- 2 free range eggs
- 100g dairy free butter (I used Vitalite)
- 100g self-raising flour
- 100g caster sugar
- 2 tablespoons of vanilla essence

For the icing:
- 500g icing sugar
- 5g food colouring approx.

Firstly, get your willing six-year-old and get her to crack two eggs into a bowl (then throw it away and start again because she's shattered shell everywhere), along with two tablespoons of vanilla essence and 100g of vegan butter (where she puts in 270g so you have to spoon it all out afterwards).

Get your six-year-old to sift 100g of flour into a bowl (then realise there was no point because she tipped all the lumps in at the end anyway), and then give her the electronic hand mixer, devilishly turn it up to full speed and sit back and relax.

Taadaa! You should now be feeling pretty proud of yourself for creating a pale substance like this, until, of course, the six-year-old decides that she's never cooking with you again because apparently you're the difficult one to work with. Glare profusely.

Show your six-year-old how to spoon the mix into the cases, despite being "difficult".

Force, I mean let your six-year-old wash up (and then rewash everything because she left everything covered in grease), whilst you let your cupcakes cook in the underperforming oven.

Take out your vegan cupcakes firstly when they're still liquid, secondly when they're as pale as, well, me, and third and finally when they're actually cooked - then just pretend that those premature cupcake pullouts were on purpose and you do in fact (sort of) know what you're doing.

Let your six-year-old start to mix together the 500g of icing sugar, 5g of colouring (which you thought was the worst in the pack but hey, let the six-year-old choose it) and a couple of teaspoons of water, until she complains that it's too hard and that you haven't quite worked enough so it's only fair you mix it. Obviously.

The six-year-old should then ice the cakes whilst you try to be nice and tell her that she's doing well, to which she replies that you're not. Remember to be a great auntie and not curse her.

Because your six-year-old should be doing oh so well, you should now end up with something resembling this... masterpiece.

Add on your chocolate bean decorations, panic that these are meant to be vegan cupcakes, check the ingredients, and then realise that they've used a weird chocolate substitute. Remind yourself that you are a great vegan.

Let your six-year-old decorate as many cupcakes as she desires, then when you notice that she keeps licking her fingers you decorate three cupcakes yourself so they're not contaminated with kid saliva.

And then you should end up with a set of twelve gorgeous vanilla cupcakes fully iced and decorated, a cracking headache and a six-year-old girl that now wants to do weightlifting with you. Voilá.

godstone vineyard

Guys I am so sorry for the lack of posts recently, but England's actually experiencing weather over five degrees for once. Weird, right? We're having a 'Summer' for once ~shrugs~ . So, because of that, I've been trying to soak up as much vitamin D as possible. Also, I have no real post ideas... Sorry.

Anyway, because I know how cruel it is to leave y'all to your own devices for a week, here's a small pointless post about Godstone Vineyard. Taadaa!*

So a few weeks ago I went to Godstone Vineyard with my family, and I honestly thought it'd be complete with a brewery and whatnot. Call me naive, but when we walked into an odd cottage-like setting, I was pretty discombobulated. It was pretty pathetic really - just a family home with some vines and overly expensive bottles of wine on the shelves. Buuuut hey, the woman let me take photos of her fields and grapes so.. yay.

These little label things are über cute though, aren't they? So I guess it wasn't all bad.



Field field field field.

I know this has no relevance to anything, but eh, I thought it was cool that the aeroplane was flying metres above the clouds. Somehow.


Field.... can you guess what's up next?

Bonus points if you said 'field' without questioning your life motives.

Okay so to take this photo I had to lay down on the ground and sort of twist my body to the side whilst trying to steady my hands... let's just say a few off looks were given that day.

~Doesn't even look at screen~ Field.

At the vinyard they had a load of small unformed grapes above the little outside café and just... aw. Cuteness.

Guys, in case you hadn't realised by now, there was greenery EVERYWHERE. I didn't think so many trees could co-exist together in such a small section of the Universe. Seriously, if you ever have some unknown urge to get suffocated by trees (somewhat ironic?), Godstone is the place to be.

Just... aw. Unformed grapes have some weird cuteness about them, right? Right?

And to top off the Godstone Vineyard Tour Of The Century - here's some jam jars. They had lots of jam jars. Lots and lots. Infinities, even. Neverending possibilities of jam jars, flooding the shelves of the vineyard. Quite impressive, really.

*You are... welcome?

woo tourism

For those of you who don't know, I vaguely live around the London area, just off the city in the what-I-call* Middle Of Absolute Nowhere. However, I've always taken for granted the architectural beauty of the place, never really taken it all in. Nay, I've never been a tourist.

So, a few weeks back I went to the city with FKG, all ready to be a tourist... without Jayze. I'm not sure as to how one can be a tourist without their faithful Nikon, but hey, everyone makes mistakes. Especially tourists.**

-Apologies for the bad quality of these images.. But you see the ones that have an actual focus? Yeah, they were off FKG's camera. Dammit.

Giant statue thing, with a classic red bus in the background. Naturally.

Cute little house things near Victoria station. Pretty, no?

The legendary Buckingham Palace, home of The Queen and all her people, complete with guards wearing funny hats for reasons nobody knows.


You see that random family, blatantly trying to ruin the arabesque of my *cough*FKG's*cough* photo? Tres irritating.. But then again, there's a couple hundred more people set on taking photos and being in them. *laughs* Oh, tourists!  

Guys. Look. 
When we first arrived in Central London, the weather was awesome. 
Too bad we didn't see the big grey clouds cornering us. 
When we were by the Thames.
With no cover.

Right by the Palace, trying to embrace my current tourist status - kneeling and pointing my phone at odd angles whilst people past and narrowed their eyes.

Regent's Park.

How cute is this little thing though? Everybody 'aw' with me.

These daisies were protected with a little mesh fence thing - odd considering they're weeds, right?

Did you know that Abraham Lincoln was part Welsh? Fun fact.

Olive is a fab name, to be said.

The water at the Thames is a green-brown colour and is a natural harbour for bacteria and just overall grossness. Yay London.

This is such a British photo, with black cabs and the Union Jack and people taking photos. And don't forget the crappy weather.

Big Ben ft. said crappy weather.

Little arcade off Seaworld, before the security guy went "no no no camera no no photos no no no".
The next few images are in-cred-ib-ly blurry because my phone was dying, sorry. So, like with this one, I've done a modif thing with them in the hope that not so many of you wince at the quality. Unsuccessfully, of course.

London Underground, with their glass protections so people don't get pushed off when it's busy (or jump).

Hamley's, Britain's #1 toy store.

Hamley's X2 - I felt like such a child when I was in there! And honestly, it was great.

Why did we have to go to the Apple Store? Because FKG broke my IPad. Yes you read right.
Then when we went home later my Dad just hit it, reset it and it turned back on. Sooo that happened.

Yes this is in Starbucks. Yes I said my name was Aleshia (next time I'm either 'Voldemort' or 'Oprah'). Yes their walls are bamboo. Yes those books are fake (sad, I know). Yes those guys in the corner are making out.

Woo tourism!

*Is that a Miranda quote, accidentally thrown into my post? I think it just might be. 
** Kidding, kidding. Tourists - don't hate me please.