why you should never visit wales ever



You know what I hate? Wales. London is incredible in regards for the three things it's good for (auditions, The Hard Rock Cafe, and Instagram photos), so in comparison you can only hate Wales and all the things it has to offer. Imagine, the businessmen don't look dead inside! People apologise when they run into you! People don't hate their jobs and livelihoods! If England had more sheep, I might consider it a better contender for #1 place to avoid at all costs, but alas, I am Welsh after all.


It's too affordable

From travel expenses to food to excursions - to even cinema tickets ($12 in Leicester Square, $6 in Swansea) - Wales is insanely cheap in comparison to London (and the majority of England in general). If you're someone who hasn't got endless funds to dwindle away, I would suggest staying far away from Wales as you'll probably be so enticed by how wonderfully affordable everything is that you'll probably want to stay here forever. Damn Wales, with its nifty tricks and horribly economical living.


There's way too much to do

Oh really, you saw the Shard, Hyde Park, and Big Ben in one day? Congrats, now you've got a week left in London and you've seen it all. Alas, if you stayed somewhere like Cardiff, you have literal months filled with things to see. Bored of Cardiff? Try Swansea. Bored of Swansea? Try Bridgend. And on it goes. The only downside is that you'll now want to quit your job, leave your wife, and pay off your mortgage so that you can spend every second of every day exploring this country. Honestly, it's addictive. I went to the Mumbles the other day (gorgeous beaches and little shops), and went home armed with the knowledge of places like Pentre Ifan and Dan-yr-Ogof. It's exhausting.





The locals are way too nice


One of the biggest social differences between Wales and England is the attitude of people when you pass them in the street. A bunch of times I've smiled at people I've walked past in London, because when it's a thin street and you're directed right at each other it'd be more awkward not to, which my English friends always find crazy. In return I tend to either get glared at or blanked completely, which is entirely different to when you're in Swansea and people grin, ask how you are, and comment on your new hairdo. I came down to Swansea a few days ago, and am already stunned at how people apologise when they walk a foot too close to you - in London it takes a full-body tackle to get anything.

In general, Welsh people are a lot friendlier to strangers (unless you accidentally call them English, in which case prepare to get shanked), and to be completely frank with you, it's something you can only hate. I went out to buy some onion chutney, and was caught completely off-guard when the server was genuinely interested in my life and how my day was going. Like please, I just want to buy some chutney and not feel like my life is as intriguing and inspiring as you are making it out to be. They can only aspire to be as blasé as the English, really. And hello, are you flirting with me, or are you just Welsh?


And too happy

In Wales we drink mountain water from our faucets (prepare to lose weight with the whole expelling-everything-you-eat-almost-immediately thing), name our places stupid things like Cwmrhydyceirw and Llangyfelach, and have access to a curious timezone called "now-in-a-minute" (too niche?) - and this all adds together to somehow create the happiest people ever. It's almost like the quality of life goes up the further away you are from the centre of London and all the grey skinned briefcase-clad people. People spend a lot more quality time with their families on days out around endless mountains, coastlines, and treks up Snowdonia, and are more motivated to leave the house and admire the richness and beauty that Wales holds. The Welsh have everything you could ask for, so prepare to feel like your own life is miserable in comparison.


Welsh cakes

Move out of the way, scones and eton mess, because here comes the much loved and much devoured Welsh cake. 'What's a Welsh cake?', I hear you ask? Heaven. Welsh cakes are heaven. Nothing more than sugar, sultanas, and magic, these little beauties beat everything in England. The Lake District? The cute little London accents? The London Dungeons? Welsh cakes beat every possible thing England has to offer, all in a bite. So please, stay far away from Wales so that there's more for us. Thanks.


Technically the founder of America

In 1170 a young Welsh prince, Madog Ab Owain Gwynedd, made his way to what we now consider to be the most influential and impressive place in the world, the USA. This is hundreds upon hundreds of years before Christopher Columbus even existed, let alone was credited for his biggest voyage. Not only did the Welsh people discover America, but 13/17 signatures on the American Declaration of Independence were written by Welsh men, and North America was nearly a Welsh-speaking continent. So really, you should really avoid Wales at whatever cost because the country is too damn pretentious, rewriting history books and crap.






The beaches are too breathtakingly beautiful

One of the biggest things about Wales is the sheer amount of beaches that it is home to. I'm currently sat in a little house in Swansea, and I can name three different bays that are all in a fifteen minute radius from where my ass is sitting on a couch. The beaches are kept pretty near spotless, and are the most breathtaking I've ever been able to witness. You've kinda got to hate them, because they're too damn nice and will ruin beaches for you. You've been to Three Cliffs Bay? Well done, you'll now never see a better seaside view, and your life is wrecked because of it. This whole thing is vastly different to London, where your closest beach is hours away and is made up of shingles, condoms, and regret.


Pot Noodles are Welsh

Our greatest invention may be made entirely up of chemicals and watered down misery, but like the whole country, you will fall in love with it.

Castles are everywhere

I remember when I lived in England and it was such a big thing to go on a school trip to a castle, yet if I pop out for a coffee in Wales I'll have to weave through a castle or two. I'm not even kidding, there's something like over 600 castles up here, and there's so many that a bunch of them are just sat next to pubs or cinemas and no one pays any attention because they're just normal buildings. It's annoying because Wales is the stuff of fairytales, and you've got to hate it because otherwise you will hate everywhere else in the world ever.


Home to the world's greatest legends

Speaking of fairytales, I bet you didn't know that a bunch of England's famous legends are actually stolen from the Welsh. Like King Arthur, that guy that few recall to have some sort of association with a round table, who is actually that of Welsh folklore. And famed beautiful leader Boudicca is of Welsh origin also, which makes sense considering the deep Celtic connections a lot of these stories have. Wales is often referred to as 'the land of the Gods', and for those of you that adore myths and legends, Wales trumps that of England any day. So really you should never go to Wales ever because it will make you wonder what else the English have stolen from the Welsh, and you will hate London with a vengeance. (But it's okay, because Wales isn't represented on the GB flag, so England will forever hold that over us. Also, England has actual people like Shakespeare, but we don't count that.)


Everyone smells sickeningly good
This sounds like a massive generalisation, but it's also damn true. If a guy doesn't use at least three bottles of Lynx in a day then he's not really Welsh, and in which case, we hate him. You're likely to pass out if the car windows are up in a car you share with a Welsh person, but it's the sacrifice you've got to make to smell good.


And so, that summarises why Wales is better than England a place that you should try to avoid at all costs. Of course, this post is heavily satirical, but I'm Welsh and have to inadvertently say that Wales is a better place to go, otherwise I'm pretty sure I'd be left to rot with our 10 million sheep. Anyway, Wales even has a goddamn dragon on the flag. Does England have a dragon? Does Ireland have a dragon? Heck, does anywhere else in the entire world have a dragon on their flag? No, and that's why Wales rules, and why you should drop everything to come to this beautiful country right now. We have cake.

62 comments:

  1. Oh geez, yeah Wales SUCKS! Who wants to go somewhere so charmingly nice? If I visited Wales, I'd feel way to bad leaving the country... who wants to deal with that wanderlust? Who wants to deal with their castles and abundance of yummy Welsh cakes? Well hmph, maybe me?! :D

    Lovely post, you've written there.

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  2. I can really see why you hate Wales, all the stunning castles, green green grass, friendly people and endless supply of Welsh cake would do my head in too...*rolls eyes*
    Great post, love the pictures!
    Jaz xoxo
    http://www.thelifeofasocialbutterfly.co.uk

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  3. I love how you wrote this post:) I always wanted visit Wales btw:)

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  4. This post cracked me up! SO true! My husband is part Welsh and we have been once and it was incredible. So much history and beauty, plus the people are lovely. Everything you said is sooo true!
    xx Leah

    www.fashtrav.com

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  5. Totally singing the same song sister! Absolutely hate Wales, who would want to visit a place and realize what a miserable life they have been living!
    xx
    https://simpliannie.wordpress.com/

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  6. Haha omg I love this post, made me chuckle. From the title I was like 'Wow that's a bit harsh' haha! I've only been to Cardiff but I definitely need to get exploring the rest of Wales, it looks so beautiful,
    Amy xx
    www.callmeamy.co.uk

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  7. great photos!!
    kisses
    bacio
    Marina
    http://www.sweetlavanda.it

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  8. Loved this post! I've only been to Wales once but I loved it and would definitely go again.

    Gemma x
    www.jacquardflower.uk

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  9. I was watching a show that talked about the various castles there. I couldn't get over how many there were. Wales sounds absolutely lovely. I loved how you compared & contrasted with other places HaHaHa Loved this post.
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

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  10. Great way to write a travel diary. Really love it!! The pics are amazing and Wales sounds fantastic.
    X
    Marcel
    www.marsilicious.com

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  11. What a great post! You've totally convinced me to visit - booking for next year!!
    Have a great day :)
    Rosanna x
    Rose's Rooftop

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  12. Hahaha! Initially I was like 'huh?' but you got me chuckling! Sounds like Wales is the place to 'avoid at all costs, eh?' ;-)

    Shireen⎜Reflection of Sanity

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  13. Haha I love the tongue in cheek approach you took with this post! You've definitely convinced me that I need to visit Wales.

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  14. I already wanted to go to Wales. Maybe some day.

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  15. I've been to wales a few times (I used to live on the border) and it was very pretty, however, scotland is just as well priced as wales ;)

    Rosy | Sparkles of Light Blog
    My Instagram | Instagram

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  16. Very funny blog post about Wales :-)

    Miriam xx
    www.londonkitchendiaries.com

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  17. I see you were brave and decided to post it! Love the humour :) Being from the Midlands in England, I can't imagine what it would be like to live in London - I would find it so weird to not be able to smile at everyone! x

    LuxeStyle

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  18. Wonderful Post, I really enjoyed reading it! From the way you wrote it, present the place and more, makes me wanna go there. The picture with the beach is breathtaking :)

    https://mihabalan.com

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  19. Love your amazing post, the pictures are stunning, truly inspiring. I am in Ibiza right now, tomorrow I am going to London in the morning. Thank you for sharing, cannot wait for the next exiting post!!!

    xxx

    www.noragouma.com

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  20. Amazing post, the pictures are gorgeous, I love your blog. Thank you for sharing, waiting for the next post!!!

    xxx

    www.modelonamission.com

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  21. Hahaha you're really bad on convincing us NOT to visit Wales. It makes me want to book a plane ticket asap :D

    xx Alyssa // STYLE VANITY

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  22. Haha I really enjoyed this post, you're so funny! I might just have to visit Wales now...

    SHAKIRA / SHAKIRA SACKS

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  23. Hallo meine Liebe;)
    Das sind wirklich zauberhaft schöne Impressionen:). Der Blogpost ist sooo cool geschrieben, ich war noch nie in Wales...:))
    Lg
    Isa
    www.label-love.eu

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  24. Ah! I see what you did there with the title haha! My grandad was Welsh so this was interesting to read. I didn't know there was so much to do in Wales x


    LAURA ­| Laura Thinks About

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  25. OMG I had no idea adding to my bucket list!

    Deedee

    https://madeupgirlestheticsandmakeupartistry.blogspot.com/

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  26. LOVED THIS POST!
    It made me chuckle at times- and educated me at others. I found the information under the title 'Technically the founder of America' the most interesting!

    I haven't ever visited, but I'd like to go!

    Steph
    www.socialspying.com

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  27. I love how you wrote this post. Thanks for all the bits of information (particularly about the Welsh prince--who knew?) and the beautiful photos.

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  28. I never had the good fortune to visit this place, but from your picture it seems amazing!
    Don't miss my last post, now on my blog! Kisses from Italy and thank you for your visit,
    Eni

    Eniwhere Fashion
    How to wear a kimono dress

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  29. Oh wow, yeah, definitely not visiting Wales ever. I'm definitely not daydreaming about booking a flight out right now. Never. Nope.

    amberelb.com

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  30. ahahaha great stuff!! I love Wales and actually going there for a holiday in three days! Couldn't be more excited!!!
    Kira
    Kira Is Wearing
    Instagram

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  31. This was brilliant Amy! I can't believe I've only just found your blog - what have I been missing eh? I've never actually being to Wales though and you're totally selling it to me, I mean birth place of the pot noodle, what else could you want?

    Musings & More

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  32. Beautiful photos! It looks amazing! :) xx

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  33. Very funny post! My Nanna is from Wales but I’ve never visited before. It looks magical there. I’d love to know exactly where that photo was taken from the hill overlooking all those lights. It’s so pretty!

    TFM Life & Style blog

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    Replies
    1. It is taken from Kilvey Hill in Swansea (:

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  34. So interesting, love the satire, the cake and the castles especially the ones next to the pubs. Nice to see your blog, creative writing is overflowing.

    www.busyandfab.com

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  35. What a very nice and peaceful looking beach :-)


    www.vankaizer.com

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  36. Love the tone in this one! The pics are stunning!

    Have a lovely day!
    xx Kris

    https://dreamingofpink.wordpress.com

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  37. What a beautiful place! Thank you so much for sharing! Hassan Sadiq Himex

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  38. Nice post. I know now to NEVER under any circumstances visit Wales :)

    Kara Aragon
    http://www.thekaragon.com

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  39. Haha I love how you've written the post!! Beautiful place! x

    https://ohmymascara.blogspot.com/

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  40. This is the most entertaining and informative posts I've read in a long time. I can understand why you hate Wales. I really want to go now so that I can hate it too!
    xo, janea
    http://theSTYLEtti.com

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  41. When I first saw the title, I was very surprised! However, I also adore Wales, looks more natural and less busy. I want to go there immediately, thanks for the information, I would like to try Welsh cake :))

    xoxo,

    |CHELSHEAFLO BLOG|
    |FACEBOOK| |INSTAGRAM|

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  42. This post made me feel like I must up sticks and move to Wales immediately! I have been before but not for a long time so I now need to make it my mission to go back as soon as possible :) x

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  43. Haha I love the idea of this review! When I was reading the title I was like WHAT?
    Thank you for your tips, can't wait to visit it!
    xx Elisa
    Francine's Place | DIY & Lifestyle Blog

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  44. This post made me laugh, and with the beautiful pictures it makes me want to visit Wales! I have a friend there but I've never been. I have been to London though, can't say I enjoyed it much!

    Hope you are having a nice start to the week!

    Away From The Blue Blog

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  45. LOve your travelling photos like always! I hope one day could visit wales. Amin.


    xoxo
    ayu

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  46. Amy I'm in love with this post XD Your photos are BEAUTIFUL as ever. I've never had a Welsh cake but I have to say it sounds suspiciously like an Eccles cake (*cue chorus of En-gur-land En-gur-land En-gur-land*) ... anyway, I've said before, I'll say it again, TAKE ME TO WALES. It's been, like, ten years. And my 8yo self was not really committed to appreciating the places she visited. (Like, nice one, parents, they took me to NYC when I was seven ... ???)

    <3 <3 <3

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  47. This is such a great post! I would love to visit Wales! :)

    http://roadesque.com
    http://ourruins.com

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  48. A few of my friends are from Wales, and they told me it's full of sheep, shit weather and Doctor Who fans. I thought 'PERFECT.' Hahaha!

    with love, Bash   |   HEY BASH

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  49. OMG!! This post left me speechless! Based on your story I would definitely love Wales! All the castles and the cakes, ohmygosh! I want to visit this place someday! <3

    xoxo,
    SHAIRA
    www.missdream-girl.blogspot.com

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  50. It is amazing how you write all these lines. I need to read all of that because I can't stop. You such a good writer ! I like your photos :)

    best,
    Measlychocolate by Patty
    Measlychocolate now also on Facebook

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  51. Amazing, I’ve never been to Wales but I’d like to.
    xx Ele | http://elewithlove.it

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  52. Hmm, it sounds like I might hate Wales as well. Nice people? Castles everywhere? Cake? Dragons? To be honest, it sounds like some kind of fairy tale that I'd hate to be in because I'd leave my family behind and live there forever and ever. What have you done to me??? Now I really want to go to Wales and disappear and just like never come back to adulthood again.

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  53. hahahaha this one is great :D
    kind of want to visit it know ones :p

    xx Monia ♡
    www.moniacagnazzo.com

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